


Nerds Can Be Sexy Too: A Research Paper

by crossingwinter



Series: Somewhat canonical [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humor, punishment essays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-01
Updated: 2009-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-11 04:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sample detention given to Sirius Black by Remus Lupin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nerds Can Be Sexy Too: A Research Paper

Nerds Can Be Sexy, Too: A Research Paper

Sirius Black

Detention, given by Professor Moony because Black locked Prongs out of Gryffindor Tower in naught but his skivvies.

November 3rd, 1977

Nerdiness comes in all shapes and forms. Many people—well, really everyone at Hogwarts—wondered how in the name of all that was holy Lily Evans and James Potter got together. For goodness sake, barely three months after the "if you don't deflate your head, I swear before all of these witnesses that I shall cut a hole in it with this paring knife" (Lily Evans [Gry '78], June 15th, 1977, Gryffindor Tower) incident. (NB that no one knew why she had a paring knife in her hand.) I mean, every one knew that James had been asking Lily out for ages, but the concept that they would actually be together was beyond most people. Indeed, it was Brunhilda Carvell who said "Wait…what the hell is going on here?" (Brunhilda Carvell [Gry '81], October 5th, 1977, Gryffindor Tower) upon finding the pair of them snogging in an armchair by the fireplace. Well, it really isn't all that complicated. In fact, the whole thing is really quite simple: they are a pair of nerds who are attracted by one another's nerdiness.

First off, it is important to recognize the different forms of Nerdiness in the world. There are some, like Professor Moony, who love nothing besides a good book and spend hours upon hours fondling their books in some kind of strange foreplay before they even begin reading them. Then, there are the nerds, like me, who keep it very quiet that they actually do any form of work at all. It would be bad for business, you see, if everyone thought, upon hearing the string of words "Sirius Black is a nerd," that Sirius Black fell into the same category as Moony. He does not spend hours preparing to read books. He does not feel the need to carry around books: he reads them before bed—when he has no other form of reading material left him, because Peter has stolen his magazines.

Unfortunately, neither Lily Evans nor James Potter fall into either of these two nerd categories, so we must dig a little deeper. Lily Evans is the type of nerd who "knows more than you without trying," (Felicity Harrington [Rav '78], March 31st, 1972, Charms) and yet is unaware that she is, in fact, a nerd. Sure, she reads, but that is not where her nerd-power comes from. Oh no. You see, while Lily is a brilliant witch, who outperforms everyone in the branches of Potions and Charms, her knowledge of the Wizarding World is miniscule in comparison to her knowledge of the Muggle World. She knows the difference between Haydn and Mozart (Squibs whom I had never heard of until I did a little bit of research), she knows, not only what DNA is, but also what DNA stands for, and has an unhealthy obsession with nineteenth century literature. She is, shall we say, extremely excited by all things intellectual, and spends a great deal of time spouting strange facts, such as the phrase ' _egg on_ ' coming from Old Norse and meaning "to goad someone with a pointy stick." This fact in particular has proved most useful, given that we, the residents of Hogwarts Castle, spend a great deal of time goading one another with pointy sticks.

A dear classmate of mine sums it up best: "She is a nerd, a dork, a geek, but a cool one. One whose nerdy practices are not revolting." (Alice Hoffman [Gry '78], September 14th, 1975, Potions)

Now, we move on to specimen number two: James Irving Potter. Where to begin with the nerd cortex of James Potter's brain? Where to begin? He hides it very well, but not out of what Professor Moony would call "Padfoot's insecurity about a smart guy getting hot women" (Remus Lupin [Gry '78], December 12th, 1975, Great Hall). He does it almost unintentionally: you see, he is, on top of being a nerd, an athlete, and let's face it, nerds and athletes are under no circumstances allowed to intermingle, much less overlap. And so, for reasons utterly beyond his control, whenever people look at him, they do not think "nerd"—even though they should—they think "Oh my god it's James Potter! He's so cool! I would let him throw his Quaffle into my hoop any day, if you know what I mean…" (Bertha Jorkins [Huf '75], April 1st, 1975, the Library). James is, despite his better nature, cool. But I return myself to the subject of his Nerdiness. James is the nerd who thinks it is, if anything, good to be a nerd. He delights in learning the exact same tidbits that Lily spews at a moments notice, and spends a great deal of time doing extra reading for History of Magic, in which, in his Nerdiness, he received an Outstanding O.W.L. and decided, for some unfathomable reason, to continue into the N.E.W.T. level. He loves testing himself. In fact, the decision to become Prongs was made after James read a paper on the subject and thought he rather fancied trying it. But where Lily's Nerdiness covers many levels, James' is concentrated. James is a nerd about things pertaining to Magical Law (which one would expect of the son of a member of the International Confederation of Wizards). Now, whether or not his Nerdiness complies with the law is an entirely different matter, but he certainly knows what laws and/or rules he is breaking when he does so.

Now you see that we are dealing with two different forms of nerd. Now you see that they have something in common, something which might lead them down the road of attraction.

Now, given how much time I spend in the company of James Potter and Remus Lupin, I would call myself a "Nerd Connoisseur" (Peter Pettigrew [Gry '78], right now, our dormitory). I know a good nerd when I see one, and am well aware of their personal nerdy habits and am an expert on the subject of what makes them tick.

If there is one thing that makes a nerd at all interested in you, it is your ability to discuss nerdy things with a careful nonchalance. Needless to say, this is what made James attracted to Lily in the first place. She was able to quote the opening lines to Pride and Prejudice without waiting for half a second and discuss Muggle medical treatments like Chemotherapy at the tender age of fourteen, James got rather hot and bothered. (I would call it something else, but I am sure that Professor Moony would deduct points for obscenity.)

But now you must understand that when James Potter stopped bragging about his "extreme and natural talent on the Quidditch pitch" (James Potter [Gry '78], June 5th, 1976, Lawn) and the number of detentions he received, and instead discussed the International Trade Commission's decision on the embargo of Flying Carpets, with historical reference, Lily's ears were far more attentive to what he had to say.

Perhaps she can delude herself into saying "oh, he has just matured," (Lily Evans, September 30th, 1977, Great Hall) but I know better: he just was letting his little nerd-heart run wild and free, and look what it got him: a girlfriend with whom he can have some sexy/fun times (because even nerds need sexy/fun times).

But I return to the stage before they got together, the stage where James spent a great deal of time telling me about how heartsick he felt that she was dating "that complete and utter git Thomas [Gry '77, Head Boy]" (James Potter, January 15th, 1977, our dormitory) and how he couldn't get "her radiant hair and brilliant emerald eyes out of [his] head" (James Potter, March 4th, 1977, Herbology); the stage where Lily didn't understand why James spent "most of his time brooding and doodling" (Lily Evans, February 14th, 1977, the Library) and wondered when "Potter grew a brain" (Lily Evans, September 1st, 1977, Hogwarts Express); the stage, in short where I wanted to gauge my eyes out with the pointy stick I wanted to use to goad those two into getting together.

James spent most of his time "pining for her eyes to look up and see [him] from across the room and realize that [they] are meant to be" (James Potter, September 5th, 1977, Transfiguration) and reading "magazines of poor repute" (Helen Potter [Gry 1885], July 17th, 1977, The Potter Abode). Lily spent most of her time either with her "boyfriend du jour" (Mary Macdonald [Gry '78], June 1st, 1977, Gryffindor Tower) or working on some nerdy enterprise. It was painful to watch them both in denial for such a long period of time.

Happily, that ended pretty quickly, and I only had to deal with James' griping for two plus years. While those of us who take Muggle Studies were discussing Commie Bastards, Lily asked James out, much to all of our shock, and they have been happily feeling one another up outside of classrooms for the past month.

Honestly, there is only so much a man can take of listening to his best mate's romantic woes, and so James thoroughly deserved to be locked out of Gryffindor Tower in naught but his skivvies.

 _Comments made by R.J. Lupin_ :

 _Grade_ : Acceptable

(1) Nerdiness is not a word.

(2) You have some awkward sentences, some unnecessary interjections of opinion and some blatant falsehoods.

(3) Your ending was rather blunt and with no conclusion that I can recognize: this significantly lowered your grade.

(4) This was not what I meant when I said "You will write me a nerdy paper or suffer my wrath." But, I appreciate the effort you put into it and might* not assign you another detention. *this is subject to change at my whim.


End file.
